she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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