The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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