just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
