look no pants
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
