Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
birth control should be required to get into college
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
