Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
