Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
