What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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