I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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