it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
