wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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