i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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