God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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