I CAN MOONWALK!
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
