Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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