Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
It's shark week go big or go home
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize