overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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