In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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