Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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