Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize