I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
