Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
