How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
