my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
did i just pee glitter
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
