Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
she looked like the before picture.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
