i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
