I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
