peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
