This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I love you. Go after that dick
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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