I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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