Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
