I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
what day is it and did you see me today?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
