I saw his package. It spoke to me.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
