It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
