from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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