I puked a lego.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
