I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
