Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
