Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
