i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
