stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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