I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Randomize
