My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize