somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
