so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
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