you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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