OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
