so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
