he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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