i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
