there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Randomize