he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
