He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I am available for nakedness
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
