Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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