There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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