oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
