Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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