I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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