i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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