I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
