Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
