Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
