Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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