Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
