Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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