Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
wrigley field is MILF paradise
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
