There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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