Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
