I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
