Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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