Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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