At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize