youre lurking in front of me
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
don't judge my taste in strippers
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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