i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
