i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize