I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
