The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
