how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
