I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
