haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
