he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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