I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
