Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
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