I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
