i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
