May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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