shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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