you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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