Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
