the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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