I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Randomize
