he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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