pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
