He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
