I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
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