You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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