he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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