I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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