I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
