he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize