Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
