does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
