Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
